You never abuse a drunken child...

Via Gawker.

BIDEN WATCH :: Joe Biden crashes White House Easter Egg Roll...

The White House issued a formal apology today after Vice-President Joe Biden showed up at the White House Easter Egg Roll in an Easter Bunny costume and offered "free egg inspections for all the single moms."

Dumb & Awesome: Let them wear capes...

Dumb: A Florida unemployment agency recently spent more than $14,000 on capes, which they then distributed to unemployed individuals as part of a campaign to engage and apparently insult out of work citizens.

Awesome: There's nothing awesome about this. It's sad. If we were jobless for three fucking years, and actually had been actively — as in, 9 to 5 everyday — looking for a job, and we got a goddamn cape from the government, we'd flip our shit. Hopefully, whomever came up with this stupid-ass idea is given a cape and shown the door.

GOP budget proposal to cut nation’s typefaces...

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.)

WASHINGTON, DC — In an effort to curtail the rising deficit, House Republicans are calling for drastic cuts to the nation’s store of typefaces. If approved, the cuts would reduce the national typeface inventory by almost 60 percent for an estimated savings of nearly $5.7 billion annually.

“In times like this, we have to ask ourselves, how many fonts do we really need?” said Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.), chairman of the House Budget Committee, on Monday.

Bob Dylan plays China...

Last week, American folk icon Bob Dylan played a concert in Beijing where he caved to the Chinese government's demands and played a show devoid of many of the classic, inspiring protest songs he is known for. See the setlist for yourself:

Bob Dylan
Beijing Worker's Gymnasium - 4/6/11
Gotta Serve Somebody, The Times They Aren’t A-Changin’, I Shall Not Be Released, Chimes of Oppression, It’s All Right Mao, When I Paint My Government-Approved Masterpiece > It’s All Over Now Baby Girl
Encore: You Ain’t Goin’ Nowhere

Bathroom wall graffiti FAIL...

Yes. Yes, it was.

'LOST' writers join Oprah's final season...

CHICAGO, Ill. — As the final season of media maven Oprah Winfrey’s talk show, Oprah, draws to a close, viewers have been tuning in to find out how the immensely popular show will wrap up later this year.

Adding to the suspense and drama of an already thrilling final season has been the recent announcement that former LOST writer-producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have taken over showrunning duties for the show’s final stretch.

Lindelof and Cuse, known for their suspenseful albeit confounding plotlines, hope to bring a sense of closure to Oprah’s 25-year run.

Duh, WINNING in 2012...

Donald Trump is still considering a run for president in 2012. While we can abide his batshit crazy approach to foreign policy, we do have a suggestion for his running mate.

Going green: Why we love St. Patrick’s Day...

VYTO STARINSKAS PHOTO

:: From Jim ::
[Originally published in the Rutland County Express on 3/17/11] 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. This is the one day each year when everyone is a little Irish.

Truth be told, I actually am a little Irish; though, for obvious reasons I’ve always identified myself culturally as Italian (as you can imagine, in my family, it casts kind of a long shadow.)

Rutland Herald headline WIN...

The headline drew us in; the pull quote sealed the deal. Kudos to the editors at the Rutland Herald for making our morning.

Dumb & Awesome :: Bridge Over Trouble Water...

#1 Dumb: This fucking frittata jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge for fun.
Awesome: This fucking frittata jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge for fun.

#2 Awesome: You stole this walking ballsack's car by repelling into a store with climbing gear.
Dumb: You stole a bright yellow Lamborghini with no other apparent plan than to drive it around.

LENTAL SOUP :: Much a Jew About Nothing: Who really killed Jesus?...

Look alive, Catholics, the 2011 Lenten season is at hand. Today begins 40 days of self-denial and prayer that will leave you fasted, fuckless, and flagellated. Just kidding; we know you are just using this as an excuse to give up chocolate and McDonald's until your snuggie doesn't feel tight anymore. Once again, we recovering Catholics here at the TPC are reprising our popular Lental Soup feature with an all new series of reports exploring the many contradictions, hypocrisies, and WTF moments that make the Church so fucking great. First up: getting to the bottom of who really killed Jesus. Find out whodunnit after the jump.

Will weighs in on Libya...

Will finally weighs in on the unrest in Libya with three alternative analyses of Moammar Gadhaf's behavior. Read them after the jump.

Bristol Palin to write memoir because, apparently, it's either that or have another baby...

Kyle, our resident Bristol Palin analyst, responds to today's news of the eldest and, therefore, wisest (?) Palin daughter's upcoming memoir after the jump.

3 Animals That Are Better Than You...

As humans, we tend to think that we're pretty great: top of the food chain, opposable thumbs, the ability to reason, pornography. In the animal kingdom, we can't be beat. But every now and then some hot shot animal shows up and starts doing things we do only better. We've all seen the elephant who can paint and the gorilla that knows sign language, and think that maybe we could be doing more with our lives. Then, we usually go just back to watching The Big Bang Theory with in our underwear on while we eat ketchup flavored potato chips. Well, here are three more show boaters who will likely do more in their short lives than you'll do in the 70+ plus year of the pathetic exercise perpetual failure in that you call a life. Meet them after the jump.