Congratulations, You're a Blue State! Now What?...

With Barack Obama winning an astounding 364 electoral votes and 52% of the popular vote, the president-elect has a pretty solid mandate. Making this electoral landslide a reality was B-Rock's penetration in typically Red States like Virginia, Colorado, and Indiana -- as well as Florida and Ohio atoning for their sins of the past. We here at the TPC would like to congratulate these newly minted Blue States, and welcome them to the club. Certainly, some of these states may be a bit surprised or even shocked by their blueness. Turning blue can be a difficult adjustment. Well, don't fret; the TPC is here to help. Read our Guide to Becoming Blue.

Buy a Volvo
Nobody likes the hockey mom who pulls up to practice in the Hummer. We Blue Staters prefer the boxy practicality of Swedish engineering. Whether it’s driving to the farmers market or this week’s Iraq War demonstration, Volvo is the way to go. Looking for something sportier? Saabs and Subarus are two other great picks to show your blue streaks. 

Other popular modes of transportation: Segues, bicycles, public transportation, walking

Blue State Etiquette Tip #91: Ditch that “Support our Troops” magnet; nobody likes a show off. 

Gay It Up
Finally, you can embrace those feelings you’ve been bottling up for all these years. In Blue States, homosexuality is all the rage. We watch them on tv, we listen to their music, some of us even marry them! While not all of us are gay, you should know that most of us were probably bi-curious at some point in our lives (college, usually). In no time flat, you’ll be a power bottom for the liberal elite. 

Common homoerotic activities: eating crêpes, shopping at American Apparel, reading David Sedaris.

Secularize
With our hectic deviant lifestyles, we rarely have time for God. In Blue States, Sunday mornings are usually spent at brunch or trying to remember the name of the person we woke up next to. While some of us do actually believe in a higher power (however you may choose to define it), we rarely use God’s name except in theoretical terms, or when in bed with our aforementioned nameless sex partner. 

Blue State Etiquette Tip #102: You will likely encounter people with beliefs that differ from your own. It's okay to judge; just try not to kill them.

Get an Abortion
There’s a common misconception out there that all Blue Staters do is abort babies. That’s just not true. Sometimes we put them up for adoption. Are you a pregnant teenager? Is your mother making you keep the baby to serve her own selfish political ends? Worry no more, our new blue friend, an abortion is only a short drive away. So kick back, throw those legs in the air, and live it up, baby! 

Blue State Etiquette Tip #27: While it’s not a rule, a gentleman will always offer to pay for the procedure.

Befriend a Person of Color
Living in a Blue State means more friends! Say good-bye to those boring nights spent watching The Hills and listening to Jack Johnson. Now, you can add some flavor (or flava) to your social life. So go ahead, talk to that Muslim guy at work, try some Indian food, make friends with a black guy, and prepare to be surprised -- many of them are just like us! 

Blue State Etiquette Tip #65: Don’t ever use the N-word even if all your new black friends do.