Tonight is the season finale of Lost. From its modest start as a straightforward tale about a
collection of plane crash survivors stranded on a mysterious island, to its evolution into a sci-fi soap opera about a bunch of whiny time-travelers with daddy issues, the series has managed to keep fans riveted through every episode-ending mindfuck reveal. As its penultimate season draws to a close, and your friends have consistently ignored your texts every Wednesday since January, you should just accept the fact that unless you're unemployed (which, might be pretty damn likely these days) or a shut-in, you'll never be able to catch up.
Still, we here at the TPC can appreciate your frustration; we know how annoying we are when we bring up the show in mixed company. In our defense, we do have to sit through all your dumbass conversations about American Idol and Rock of Love Bus...so it kinda balances out. Nonetheless, we thought we'd be the bigger fan, and let you into our world. Here's the TPC's Lost Guide for Non-Fans.
Don't Bring Up the Polar Bear.
Most people have seen at least one episode of Lost. And usually that was the episode with the polar bear in it. Don't ask about it. Your friends' only answer will be a polite chuckle as the reminisce wistfully about how simple things were back in Season 1. We're way past that now, pal.
- "John Locke is a badass (and dead)."
- For the girls only: "Desmond & Penny are so cute."
- The couples: "Sawyer & Juliet = good. Jin & Sun = meh. Jack & Kate= die already."
- "Ben is evil, but I love him."
- "Jack sucks. Die already."
- "The Numbers are so Season 2."
- "The Smoke Monster! Am I right or what?"
- "How about that Widmore guy?"
- "Faraday. Faraday!"
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2 comments:
Re. Hurley. Non-losties are ALWAYS making the "he should be skinny" point, but, hello, there's copious amounts of processed, sugary Dharma food. I'd be fat too if I was on the island.
Des and Penny are a thousand times better than that lame Romeo and Juliet couple. Interestingly enough, that sweet actress playing Penny had a brief stint on the HBO one-season wonder/just call it porn drama "Tell Me You Love Me." The male readers out there can thank me later for that tidbit.
And lastly, don't listen to Jimmy's Lost theories. He's just as clueless as the rest of us. Besides, I was the one who called the Faraday-Penny-Mrs. H.-Whitmore love baby connection.
WHERE IS CLAIRE? That finale was trippy. So is Jacob's frienemy using Locke's body? Is the real Locke dead? Why would Jacob goad Ben into killing him? He could have fed his ego instead and maybe Ben wouldn't have gone knife-happy.
Hasta La Vista Juliette. I guess Sawyer's single now. And while we are on that subject, I'm sorry, she would never have been alive to blow up the bomb after that fall. And if you shoot a gun in a pressurized sub, sub blows up, but, whatever, fine.
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