Pants on the Ground: A Close Reading...

Last week, American Idol landed in Atlanta for a round of auditions. There, they met General Larry Platt. While Gen. Platt's military credentials may be dubious, his original song -- entitled, "Pants on the Ground" -- which he performed for the Idol judges, can be read as a biting indictment of contemporary hip-hop culture, fashion, and social norms within the African-American community. Get the TPC's close reading of "POTG" after the jump.

Let's face it; despite still being a ratings juggernaut, Idol is getting a little stale. At least we assume it is. To be honest, no one at the TPC can actually stand to sit through the damn show so we're just guessing here. We're basing it on the fact that Idol's been around for a while, and every season it's basically the same exact show. We don't watch shows that have the balls to trick you into watching for years and years only to begin each season in the same, exact fucking spot like the whole thing is some stupid, endless loop.

On, wait...

It should come as no surprise, then, that the Idol producers were thrilled to have Gen. Platt delivered to their doorstep in the first week. "POTG" is a viral video wet dream; it's everything a show like Idol wants in a viral video -- entertaining, complimentary to the show, and inoffensive. Imagine their excitement.

Above: their excitement.

But there's a lot more going on here than the superficial spectacle of the ramblings of an old (and possibly drunk) black man. In "POTG," Gen. Platt constructs a bold and insightful argument for a return to values, humility, and taste within African-American youth culture. To better illustrate this argument, let's take a look at the lyrics:

Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Lookin' like a fool with you pants on the ground
Gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat looking like a fool
Walking down town
With your pants on the ground

Simple, direct, and unflinching, Gen Platt successfully articulateds what many blacks of his generation see as the shortcomings of black youth. (Dr. Cosby would be proud.) The phrase, "pants on the ground" is pointing out young people's predilection for baggy pants, the wearing of which he notes makes them look like "fools."

Gen. Platt continues his attack on fashion by addressing gold teeth and sideways hats, both of which again cause one to be, according to Platt, "looking like a fool." Here though, he does intensify his attack here by forcefully stating, "pants hit the ground." The substitution of "on" with "hit" in this phrase clearly connotes Platt's assertion that these trends are leading to some sort of cultural crash. In this metaphor, the "pants" are black culture, and "hit the ground" is the ultimate fate of said culture if these negative trends are not corrected. For an example of the type of cultural erosion that has Platt so fearful, check out SeeMyGrill.com.

The other kind of grill, dumbass.

Unfortunately, Platt, did step in it when he went after cool cats. While the "cool cat" may indeed be "looking like a fool" when he's walking down town, it seems that he forgot his audience. Given Idol judge Paula Abdul's long relationship with MC Skat Kat, it was no surprise when Platt's performance was so roundly ridiculed by Adbul and the other judges.

To be fair, this is possibly the most respectable professional project she's ever been a part of.

Still, Gen. Platt's critique should give us all pause. It may be easy to laugh at the caricature that Idol has made of him, but this is a man with an important message. If anything, Platt didn't go far enough. Why no mention of dog-fighting or the fetishization of handguns? How could he ignore the NBA's increasing unwillingness to call traveling or the proliferation of Auto-Tune in the music industry? And most troubling of all, where was his critique of the disturbing trend of backwards pants-wearing?

How could this not make you jump, jump?

[Editor's note: After press time, it was brought to our attention by one astute reader that Paula Abdul is no longer an American Idol judge. Our bad. But like we said; we really don't watch this shit so whatever.]